The Sound of Broken Hearts
by Lirie Halliwell
Summary: CWZ: Ishikura/Zero/Harlock. When Captain Zero's obsession with the infamous Harlock drives him to the brink of insanity, only one man dares to risk it all to help him. But while Ishikura Shizuo thinks he is willing to pay any price to get closer to the legendary Captain Warrius Zero, sometimes even the most resilient hearts may crack.


**Blooming Bruising Patterns**

The sound of water hitting against the metal tiles filled his world. They sounded like pebbles thrown against the roof, a sound he still remembered from his childhood, but never gave much thought to. Now it seemed appropriate.

He hated the rain back then. It locked you inside, trapped you with your thoughts, while making it impossible to sleep and dream of better days. The world outside continued to be vast and fascinating, but you were not a part of it and were not allowed to touch it.

Now he was locked inside too, locked inside himself and trapped in his thoughts. Round and round his mind circled, and again he had to face his inability to touch that something vast and fascinating he craved.

He turned the hot water off with a swift motion, letting the water grow colder and bind him with rimy iron bands, choking his desire at its base. Still the images surged. Deep brown eyes, unruly brown hair, and a fierceness of character that drew you in, tied you down, dazzled you.

He was never too far away from Ishikura's mind. All it took was one moment of inattention and he was drowning in those eyes.

Captain Warrius Zero.

The name sent a hot sharp pain down his spine, regardless of the freezing water cascading all around him. If he could only think straight when the Captain was concerned...

He remembered himself as a young cadet, listening to stories of the great Captain, rapt and breathless. He would collect these tales as one collects fond memories, keeping them in a secret box in his mind, only pulling them out and inspecting them one by one when he was alone. There was something precious about those stories, something magnetic.

Back then he was certain those were Captain's adventures he yearned for – the feats of valor and bravery, and that unbreakable will of iron that always seemed triumphant, even in his defeat. When Ishikura got assigned to the Karyu, he could not pass the opportunity of meeting the legend.

And then he met the man. And he was lost.

Pain of yearning pulsed through the pit of his stomach and Ishikura slammed his hand against the shower console, shutting the water off. So much for a long, relaxing shower.

He dried himself off in short jerky motions, his mind reeling with his last conversation with the object of his unguarded obsession.

_"Harlock will be mine." There was that glint of fire in the Captain's eyes that made Ishikura shiver. But his gaze was directed towards the screen, where another telecommunication session was abruptly disconnected by that upstart Harlock. Ishikura knew better than to let his mind wander there, but it still did. There wasn't any hatred in the Captain's eyes as he looked at that pirate. No sense of duty. There was just hunger. Hunger Ishikura could easily recognize._

_"Captain, St. Elmo is at full capacity. Permission to shoot."_

_"Permission denied," Zero replied almost reflexively. Ishizuka knew he would. "We must catch him alive." _

_Gritting his teeth, Ishikura stood up and strode towards his Captain, hoping to appeal to his senses. "We have him in our range! We can complete this mission. I do not understand why we are backing down!"_

_Zero didn't even spare him a look. "There is no valor in murder."_

_"That's right, there isn't. And murder is __**his**__ occupation, Captain! He is a pirate and should be shown no mercy!"_

_"It is not our place to show or deny mercy, Ishikura. Our mission is to bring him to justice, and that is what we're going to do."_

_"Not if you will continue letting him go every time we get a chance to catch him!"_

_Silence enveloped the bridge as Zero finally evened Ishikura with a glare. "Second Officer, you are out of line."_

_Ishikura saw the fire in his eyes again, but now there was no hunger. Just anger, white hot and indifferent. He didn't know if he could stand this for long, but __he clenched his fists and refused to yield. "Your fascination with that pirate is hazardous – to the crew, to the mission… to yourself, Captain." He took a step forward._

_"Second Officer," Zero growled, warning loud and clear in his voice. "Just because you have the eyes of a woman, doesn't mean you must see through the eyes of a woman."_

_A gasp echoed through the bridge and Ishikura remembered for the first time they were not alone. Outraged, he snarled. "You are being irrational with everything that has to do with that scum—"_

_The blow came unexpectedly, sending him against the steering console and down onto the floor. Coming to, he looked up in horror to see his Captain towering above him, his eyes cold. "Ishikura, be careful. You are the Second Officer and the most expendable one. After all, anyone can be a Second Officer."_

_With that he stormed off, leaving Ishikura nothing but the pain in his chest._

The pain still remained, and the bruise that blossomed there served as a bitter reminder to just how easily the Captain could discard him. This thought burned bright inside of him as he dressed unhurriedly; so bright that it blinded him with the anger he thought he could suppress.

His train of thoughts was pierced by the buzzing sound of his entrance console. Once, twice, three times it rang, but Ishikura couldn't move. He knew who it was, even before that clear voice followed another buzz. "It's me. Open up."

Taking a deep breath, Ishikura picked up his shirt, trying to ignore the thumping in his chest.

"Open the door, Ishikura. I came to apologize."

Silence followed once again, through which he tried to wrestle with his shirt, but his hands gave way to violent trembling.

"Shizuo… open up."

This wasn't fair.

He clenched his fists around the fabric of the shirt, finally managing to pull it on, and unlocked the door into his personal quarters.

Zero stood there, formidable and grave, but a slight telltale shift in the Captain's posture revealed him to be fairly drunk. Another self-loathing session with Unabara, he supposed. There was a galaxy-wide shortage of resin liquor, its intake and production being outlawed in many parts of the known universe, and yet the old dog somehow always had a ready supply.

Ishikura braced himself, his shoulders square, his expression bleak. "What is it, Captain? Do you need assistance? Your quarters are further down the hall, but I could help you get there."

It seemed Zero grasped the barb even in his state. He was a notorious lightweight, although with a remarkable capacity to appear mostly coherent even in his drunkest. "May I come in?"

There was something ominous in letting this man cross the threshold, but declining was never an actual option when he was concerned. Ishikura took a step sideways and motioned Zero in.

Inside, the Captain took a turn about the room, glancing at holograms of Ishikura's family members scattered around, but not really taking them in. "Your rooms are in fair order."

"Thank you, Captain. I wasn't aware that the quarter inspection is this week."

Zero almost scoffed. Almost. Instead, he visibly stifled his own irritation and cleared his throat. "Ishikura, I came here to apologize for my behavior earlier."

Keeping his face blank, Ishikura nodded once, refusing to settle his gaze on the taller figure of his Captain. "Your apology is accepted. Have a good night, Sir."

Zero clutched his hands behind his back and took a deep breath. "You are not going to make this easier for me, are you?"

"I do not understand what you are talking about, Captain. I have accepted your apology. What else can I do?"

Losing patience, Zero pulled off his cap and ran his hand through his already tussled hair. Ishikura followed the motion, absently wandering, not for the first time, how coarse that hair has become from years under that cap. Or whether it could be soft, yielding to his touch.

Zero tossed his cap onto the table and faced Ishikura once again. "I am not used to apologizing. I'm not used to doing something that would require an apology, and this is very difficult for me, but I am trying. Can't you see I'm trying?"

"I can certainly smell that you're trying, Captain. How much of Unabara's liquid courage was required for you to come here?"

"_Second Officer, you're testing my patience_!"

A thrill ran down Ishikura's spine, hot and sharp. There was a blaze of fire in Zero's eyes, anger leaking out of that perfectly dutiful façade, and that was absolutely intoxicating. He wanted this fire for himself, wanted the blaze to burn through him, burn him up, and leave him sated and full.

"I suppose my woman's eyes are incapable of seeing this situation differently."

Swift as a lightning bolt, Zero had him pinned against the wall as his hands slammed on both sides of Ishikura's head, trapping him inside. Ishikura wasn't a short man, and yet Zero's frame towered above him, made him feel smaller, tighter. His throat felt dry, his skin began to prickle, and although he knew the situation meant something completely different to his straight-and-narrow Captain, Ishikura couldn't help but luxuriate in his proximity.

And then… something odd happened. The anger drained from the Captain's face and his expression turned somber and thoughtful. From the corner of his eye, Ishikura saw Zero's hand lift and move towards his face. He wandered if he should flinch; if this time his Captain would aim at his hated woman's eyes. But instead of a violent blow, that hand offered a momentary hesitation, before resting on his cheek.

"I didn't mean to hurt you, Shizuo." Zero brushed his thumb across Ishikura's cheek, and when the contact made the somberness in his eyes deeper, he softly – oh so softly – touched his long black lashes. "Your eyes are truly beautiful."

Another moment and Ishikura thought his heart would burst. He could smell the liquor on Zero's breath, but his hand was deceptively steady, and if he wasn't careful, Ishikura might have thought his Captain knew exactly what he was doing. But he didn't, he had to tell himself. He was drunk and had no idea how dangerously close he was to crossing a line Ishikura would have given everything in his possession to cross.

Clenching his hands into tight fists to prevent himself from holding onto the Captain and never letting go, Ishikura looked up, his eyes wide with anticipation and terror. "Captain?"

That one word seems to have snapped Zero out of his trance and he moved away from Ishikura. Suddenly becoming visibly lightheaded, he stumbled to the bed and buried his face in his hands. "I'm sorry, Ishikura. I don't know what's happening to me. Ever since this goddamn mission…"

_Ever since Harlock_, Ishikura added silently, pouring a glass of water and offering it to Zero.

The Captain rubbed his eyes and ran his hands through his hair again, mussing it up further. There was so much frustration on his face that Ishikura couldn't help but pitying him. So much burden rested on those broad shoulders. No man alone should be forced to carry so much.

"Here," he murmured when the Captain didn't notice the proffered glass. "Drink this."

Zero took it, nodding his thanks, but barely took a sip. "I can't think, Ishikura. It seems that I'm fighting this battle all on my own. It's just me and… and him, and there's nothing between us, but this all-consuming… I don't know!" He was growing more agitated, his hands trembling, upsetting the water in the glass. "And I can't fight it, Ishikura. I can't! Gods know I'm trying, but it's eating me up from the inside, and it's making me mad. I think…" He paused, his eyes sliding shut as he leaned back, raising his face towards the dimmed light of the ceiling orbs. "I think about him at nights." He sounded ashamed, yet exhilarated at the same time. Finally sharing that one thing that has been gnawing at him from within. "Isn't it insane, Ishikura? I think about him at night and I can't help myself. I grow restless and angry and reckless when he slips in and out of my life, in and out, but I can't… gods, I can't cut him loose."

Unsteadily, Zero reached into the inner pocket of his coat and pulled out a long white scarf, soiled with blood and dirt, but still distinct enough to be recognizable. Ishikura knew it had belonged to Harlock.

"I even kept this—stole this during our last meeting. I've been keeping it on me at all times, close to… to my heart." Zreo laughed bitterly. "Look at me, Ishikura. Look at me! How pitiful I am!"

Ishikura was looking at him. He couldn't have torn his eyes away from the Captain even if he had tried. But only now, watching this drunken man rant on about a hateful outlaw, did Ishikura actually see him.

Yes, Captain Warrius Zero was all about honor, and duty, and valor. But the legend around that name had grown into a monstrosity that was leeching every sense of life out of him. And the only thing that kept him going, kept him wading through this viscous mass that was human life, was this pirate, this Captain Harlock.

How unhealthy this was Ishikura understood. But he could relate, all too well.

Moving slowly, Ishikura knelt besides the Captain and pried the glass from his trembling fingers. "It's alright," he murmured. "It's alright."

He returned the glass to the table and turned back to Zero, his forefinger gingerly lifting his chin up. When those deep brown eyes met his, Ishikura felt his heart tighten further, and a chasm of desire yawning open in the pit of his stomach. "I understand," he whispered. "And you are not pitiful."

Zero's eyes covered with a veil of tears that would never spill. He struggled to even his breath, but it was in vain.

Ishikura breathed deeply and moved closer, leaning his forehead against Zero's in complete surrender. If they were too close, neither would be able to see the other's pain. That's what his heart told him, thudding against his ribcage like a mad bird of craving. "Do you trust me?"

Unable to speak, Zero nodded once, jerkily.

Carefully, Ishikura pulled the white scarf, inch by inch, from the Captain's clutching hands. Then he folded it once, twice, creating a long white sash, and gently covered Zero's eyes, tying it behind his head in the brown mess that was his hair.

Zero's whole body tensed, becoming rigid, but whether with suspicion or anticipation, Ishikura couldn't tell. Leaning in closer to his ear, Ishikura whispered, "Breathe in deeply." His lips barely touched the shell of Zero's ear, but the contact was electric. He himself inhaled, quietly, becoming more and more excited as Zero's chest expanded on a breath so deep it must have touched his soul.

"Can you see him?"

A spear of panic passed through the Captain, his body visibly trying to reject the vision invoked by Ishikura's words. He moved to take off the sash, but Ishikura stopped him, holding onto his wrist with a firm hand.

"Your senses know what you need better than you. Just let them take over."

Zero shook his head, his jaw squarely set. "I can't…"

Sighing, Ishikura ran his hand through the Captain's hair, thrilled that he hadn't flinched away almost as much as he was thrilled to discover the softness. Holding onto the warmth emanating from Zero's body, praying and willing himself to be heard, he whispered, "You must. You are the captain of this ship and its crew members need you. Everyone relies on you to lead. You cannot unravel. You don't have that privilege. You have to do this. For the greater good."

His heart lurched at the blackness of his deed, the bitter honey of manipulation burning a trail from his throat to the tip of his tongue. But he felt that great hard body of his Captain soften beneath his touch.

Zero took another deep breath. It shook, but steadied fairly quickly and soon enough his hand clasped Ishikura's.

"Can you see him?" he asked again, and this time Zero nodded, his tongue darting out to lick his dry lips.

Holding his breath, Ishikura pulled onto Zero's wrist and gently placed it on his own face. "Can you feel him?"

Zero hesitated, but inhaled again and nodded.

Moving slowly so as to not frighten the doubtful beast, Ishikura rose to his feet and pulled his shirt off, tossing it onto the floor. "Touch him."

Zero hesitated again, his hand rising and hovering mere inches from the bare flesh. _Touch me_.

Long moments stretched into infinity, but finally, finally Zero's fingers grazed against his stomach, and his palm flattened against the feverish skin. It moved up, passing up his ribcage, and eventually settled on his heart. "Har—Harlock…"

The bruise on Ishikura's chest throbbed from the heat of Zero's palm, but the pain radiating within was fiercer than a physical wound could inflict. But he held still.

_Harlock may have your heart, but I will have your body._

And as Zero's hand trailed down, Ishikura hated himself. But his love for Zero couldn't let him stop.


End file.
